Ideas to transform your romantic relationships

I once made the joke to my husband that now that we’re married I’m allowed to go to the “dirty part” of the bookstore so for Valentine’s day, I got a book, Tantra between the Sheets, and it’s probably one of the best sex books I’ve never come across.

For once, the photographs are artistically done. Quite a few of them are so high quality that I could easily envision them hanging on our walls. As for the book, if you haven’t read about Tantric Sex before, it embraces sexuality on all levels because it’s not just about doing it or trying a new position every day or getting creative with sex games. Real intimate sex is so much more that to be quite honest…this is a topic that deserves a trip to the bookstore. There is so much content within the book that it’s not just something you can paraphrase in a paragraph and be done with it.

As a Western culture, I think there is this myth that once sex between an existing couple gets old and boring, it’s time to move on. And while you can experience that “excited teenager feeling” with a new partner, the mistake is realizing what’s at stake, what you’re really losing. Because a real marriage isn’t just about sex, it’s so much more.

One of the cool quotes in the book about this topic states:

According to the Taoist, it takes seven years to know your partner’s body, seven years to know your partner’s mind, and seven years to know your partner’s spirit.

And I have to agree with those sentiments. While my husband and I have been together for a total of five and 1/2 year since meeting each other, we are still learning every day. We are still developing and deepening our relationship. But I will admit it’s not easy. It takes work. It takes faith. Just not everyone in the western world is willing to do this,  Thus, this would be why 50% of all marriages end up in divorce.

So this Valentine’s Day, I urge you to take a look at your relationship (if you are in a long term one) with a fresh pair of eyes. Maybe list 100 reasons why you love your spouse/significant other and leave them in little slips of paper of ten reasons each so they can go on an “Valentine’s Day” hunt around the house for the other ten slips of paper. Or try a ritual together and make candles or plant some flowers together instead of just buying ones that will die within a week. To me, it’s not about how much money you spend, it’s about showing your appreciation, your love for that other person. So if you’re budget is tight this year, don’t feel guilty that you can’t buy that piece of jewelry you’d love to get them just go the extra mile and do little things because in the long run…it’s the little things that add up and really make a difference.

And if you’re still scratching your head for that perfect Valentine’s idea, go pick up 1001 ways to be Romantic. It’s an excellent book that you can put to good use year after year because you don’t have to be romantic just on Valentine’s day.