Tag Archives: Marriage

Perfect in our imperfection

I think that I am married to probably the most wonderful woman on Earth. I’ve had friends ask what makes us work. How do we get along so well? How do we do it, without all the seeming frustration that others go through? Well, there’s a secret.

She’s not perfect. But she’s perfect for me.

Something that we’ve come to realize and hold dear, as a couple, is the idea that everyday challenges, frustrations and troubles from the outside world help us develop not only as a couple, but as individuals.

I think what happens is that most of us in the Western world have been indoctrinated with this notion that when you meet your “soul mate,” everything with the relationship and the outside world is suddenly okay, blue birds start singing, music plays, and then the credits roll, and then a big message splashes on the silver screen: “And they lived happily ever after.”

I think what makes our marriage work is that we expect challenges, and have come to accept that we’re not married to some idealized archetype, but a real, living person, each with the own challenges, fears, hopes, and dreams. We didn’t choose to marry perfect beings that will fulfill our every need right off the bat. Instead, we both know that we each chose to marry an imperfect person, but that we chose to marry people intelligent enough to grow and learn.

candle magickWithout getting mushy or overly melodramatic, ours was a whirlwind romance. We met, and I literally moved in with her on the third day of knowing her. We discussed marriage on the fourth day. Not that anyone’s counting.We both were a little dazed by this idea, and a little stunned at our own admissions of love so soon, but were willing to go forth with our wild wishes. But immediately after discussing getting married, we had a deep, insightful, and intelligent conversation.

“But what if we find that we’re not really compatible? What if we don’t like the same things? What if, what if what if?!?!?!”

We both agreed, after some introspection, that we could handle it. After all, we were both in our mid twenties, and although its still a young age, we had experienced enough relationships to know a few fundamentals.

First and foremost, we both agreed that no one is perfect. We both agreed that we would help each other to become better people. We agreed that if a problem popped up, we would put effort into solving the problem and really have adult conversation about any issue that came up. I think the key to us is that we don’t expect perfection from one another. We’ve learned to know that we’re individuals, sometimes with very different thoughts on how to act out there in the universe. But that’s okay.

For us, the key remains to be able to accept each other for our faults, keep the conversation alive, and have extremely good senses of humor. Some of the most trying times from our past are now the most significant inside jokes that we share. Today’s pain is the lesson that prepares us for tomorrow.

I write all this down as a way of saying “Thank You” to my wife for being able to understand my drives, motivations, and actions with no need for apology. When I make a blunder, I still haven’t figured out how she’s able to have such a good sense of humor about nearly everything I do.

In the end, what makes us work is we forget the small stuff, and really, truly *talk* about the big stuff. What you have is two people who share this incredibly beautiful entity called a relationship. We both work hard to help is grow, nurture it, and continue to expand in its scope.

So yeah, we’re like any couple. She screws up from time to time. And so do I. (But not that much, really. ;-) She forgets engagements, is constantly late, puts her foot in her mouth, etc. You know, normal things. Small things. Things that, in the big picture, just don’t matter.

Yeah, she might not be perfect, but she’s perfect for me.

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